Day 13 – schizophrenia and dopamine (dope of mine)

schizophrenia and dopamine (dope of mine)

 

disclaimer:

 

I am not a doctor or a scientist, just figuring out myself while walking my desteniiprocess

I do take my anti psychotic medication, in dialogue with my doctor, to balance my level of dopamine

 

1544349_381188325358849_1295823288_n

collage by me

 

so… from knowing that schizophrenia is to have: two or three personalities acting out / fighting /having a war  in the mind/head at once. there is then at least two personalities/polarities, in my mind at once. that marks the direction for the rest of the body who have to adapt to this.

dopamine  is like it sounds :  dope of mine. the body have lots of ways to produce its on dope/calming.

and dopamine is one of these drugs that the body produces.

 

(realize that schizophrenia is something one is born with, and though you might trigger it/wake it up with weed or cocaine(…) it will have to be there from before, from the creation of self, one does not develop schizophrenia by self)

 

with schizophrenia, the way I experience it, having forgiven/deleted  my personalities, energies and programming)  is that simply from the blueprint of my schizophrenia, there is created dopamine, in my brain, simply from thinking of my schizophrenia – blueprint/recipe, from there my dopamine is created from the experience of seeing the two personalities present/here at once.

 

there is from this present of seeing two or more personalities in my mind or just thinking of it create dopamine in my head. this is from the presence of the very positive polarities of my personalities. the brain senses the presence of these polarities and goes at producing dopamine. with me it happens almost simply from imagining or thinking about a collection of two personalities, and looking into my schizophrenia. and then dopamine is created. this I find can or could easily be manipulated out of my choice or doing/experimenting  the more I see and realize about my schizophrenia and life.

 

dopamine-2-728-728x445

 

now this dopamine, (this dope or mine), is not a joke. it can carry me quite far away. I can become more eager, enthusiastic, explicit, creative, spontaneous, and more “crazy” than the “normal”  person, that has just one personality and then, that level of dopamine.  so it would be more reasonable for me to dress naked and  run in the streets; because I would think/imagine  that is the “right” thing to do, at the moment.

 

when my level of dopamine gets so high (!)  my acting out can become, within mind and acting  (within /without) quite out of balance and no longer safe. it is like a obsession or gradually/balancing possessed state of being and then, what is common is that I start to think lots about myself and end up going into a depression and thinking “I am just one more freaks” and sort of “resign” (perhaps with alcohol or substance) and to “mould away” in the more extreme cultures that society offers since that is where my mind/programming would naturally take me.

 

so… dope of mine is a chemical that I see and live with from carrying schizophrenia. two personalities/polarities at once.  I am born schizophrenic, and I have my energy “highs” simply from “looking” at  my schizophrenia – blueprint. my recipe of mental illness. fascinating huh ?!

 

 

here i talk on this subject :

 

enjoy the day….

Advertisements