Day 5 – I have schizophrenia

I have schizophrenia. I was born with it. It is a serious illness of mind. My mind is wired different that other peoples mind. It is like I have these hooks on me, hooks to my mind. That force me to stay in mind. Like several hooks or a lock. Like a system within the system of mind. It is like hooks forcing me to stay in mind and in consciousness.

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These hooks are the manifestation of my emotional personality poles. One more time. These hooks are the lower part (emotional) of my polarity constructed (needles) personalities. My different personality poles are isolated, like with bi – polarity, design, dismantled, and are then bent to work like hooks to my mind.

The emotional charge of several personalities (about 6 of them, but it varies) are left as hooks to my mind. These hooks are providing me with voices. They are after all still personalities, or leftovers of personalities. These lower parts of personalities is then bent like into a hook or a question marks. The lower (emotional) part of the personality is bent, curves into a hook. This is all programmed from before birth.

It can be very disturbing voices – that I have to investigate. It is like my voices is my first clue to find the personality and to find the memory behind it. Find the trauma that is making the voices. Then I forgive the energies within the memory/trauma, and I forgive the people involved, and I commit myself to live the change.

I follow the tread of : hearing the voice/thought, finding the personality, finding the moment in time (memory/trauma) indentifying the components and energies, and then forgiving it all step by step until it is done, and there is no more voices/energies/thoughts.

It is a long process and a lot of work. But I know that it will be worth it in the long run.

I would recommend to investigate this interview from eqafe.com, on schizophrenia to understand more about the illness. I recommend to learn self forgiveness it is the very fine tool in life.

The interview:

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

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Self – Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am lucky to have discovered this mind design of emotional hooks, from listening to the portal on eqafe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that these hooks are particular to the schizophrenia mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have discovered something crucial about life and psychology by discovering from eqafe.com that one is born with schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to talk about my mind and it’s components since the voices are so bad/emotional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I envy A since she is able to make fun of emotions and to be able to place it into a humorous play and to forgive it and laugh at old sorrow/emotions/trauma.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to envy A for how she have walked a process and removed voices, and how she stands as support to herself and others in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to confront doctors and academia on this discoveries of mind construct of schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my schizophrenia and doing so diving into emotion and friction within me and ending up needing drugs to ease the friction/voices from my mind construct of hooks with my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am exceptional and different/special since I have this awareness of my illness and that this gives me advance in life to be aware of this and to know my illness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for giving into the feeling of superiority thinking I am king of schizo – land or thinking I am better or more advanced that other people with schizophrenia, where I fail to realize the common sense, to help, share and talk, communicate with other being within this (schizophrenia/psychosis) relations to make the life of the schizophrenia more easy and to stand as a support to help people in their lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself living and projecting out schizophrenia (word) and trying to create attention around schizophrenia and on mental illness simply from projecting out at others how I would like attention to mental illness.

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Self corrections:

When and as I see myself standing within a projection and start to project out this word (schizophrenia) and doing so to create attention to this illness. I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that it is no god to project things it will only make my world more noisy and disturbed. I realize that I will have to take responsibility for my earlier projections. I realize that when I project I am being irresponsible. I realize that when I would like to have attention about schizophrenia I should write and communicate like this here. I commit myself to write, talk and share about schizophrenia. I commit myself to be that person that is helping others to see what this illness is. And to guide people to the best solutions. I commit myself to stop the voices in my head by forgiving it and it origins. I commit myself to talk about my discovery of schizophrenia to all people that I think can have interest within it. I commit myself to change psychiatry into recovery/holism.

Investigate: desteni.org

Thank you.