Day 15 – 4rth mind – my discovering of schizophrenia within

4rthmind 1.jpg          4rthmind 2.jpg


4rthmind 3     4rthmind 4


Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, a physician or a scientist as such.  I am a ordinary guy working my way to take responsibility for my everything.

The pictures above represent clinical mind states/design. Note that this is my experience of such, every individual will have their own version, or that is most likely. This is me going deep and mathematical on myself.  Looking at the design of the mind and its states/personalities. If you have questions feel free to comment and write me.

Video to describe the mind state/design:



For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof


Day 14 – Schizophrenia – Am I a troll or am I a flower ?

viber image.jpg



This here is a dive into my schizophrenia. Let’s look at some math. These two dimensions of “troll” and a “flower”, are clearly spinning out of my minds polarity these days.  My mind’s are here exposed. Flower being the positive polarity and troll being the negative polarity. The different minds operate like branches and petals on the flower and the heads on the troll, often I have more than just one mind, governed ultimately by myself, as mind. So this flower is a consequence and spin off from positive polarity, to self worth and value. It holds great potential and room for expansion. A picture of a multi branched flower. Where the different minds  are the branches with flowers and the main mind is the flower with a pot itself.  And the troll on its part is a more direct spin of out of my schizophrenic design and being. My core of schizophrenia. So that leaves us with link to schizophrenia. So what is schizophrenia to me ? I can very easy define a flower and a troll, but how do I define schizophrenia ?

See this is the math of “what leads to what”, part that is vital to understand, where the plant/flower is more a direct product of the positive mind experience. While the troll is coming from my definition of schizophrenia. So there is a extra link to the troll/schizophrenia design, if you catch my drift. Do I need that extra link ? Is  this extra link not obsolete ? I mean, again, how to I consider schizophrenia ? Schizophrenia has as many definitions to it that it has people diagnosed with it – to my awareness. The establishment and doctors have their way of spinning  it. They seem to bother about the surface issues. They seem to pay attention to the symptoms of schizophrenia. They hardy dive into it seems. They are locked to “brain” and don’t consider the whole body picture. Big mistake, cause brain is just signals on and off. Question remains open. This is a very key point about psychiatry to understand, that is very important to give some awareness to, because of all the money/study that is spent on neuro – psychiatry and the “brain”, is just often a waste. We need to look holistically at it. Again, the brain is just on and of… signals, and very much like a minds chaos/circus with energies.  We must find our self devoting time with the physical, the whole picture. The head is (atm) all mind and deceit.

Why should I bother calling myself schizophrenic when the diagnosis don’t suit me ? It seam I need to redefine the diagnosis. Or leave it behind, forget the diagnosis and focus elsewhere. Since what is schizophrenia has most to do with sickness, pain and suffering. And … that is not so much my deal – like it used to, this is because of me taking charge of myself and my living. Me directing myself more and more.  Point is I guess that it is easier to be like a flower, it has fewer links to get there, it leaves me without needing to be a troll and a beast. I can be myself. If that is like John Nash and a beautiful mind, a flower, so be it. I keep coming back to this  core of seeing a plant/flower as my mind existence, somewhat in a polarity to the troll/schizophrenia.  A flower in a pot. It is a alive. It is a being. It breathes…the troll on the other hand is 100 % fiction (!) It is quite daunting and quite remarkable. It is like I can today, being born schizophrenic,  direct myself to not be  a troll, to close down that dimension more and more,  and rather be a flower lol. It is quite amazing and it practically gives me shivers. I can tell you for sure my medication and remedy of working with self forgiveness on mind points and on myself and my past, for 5 years straight. It pays off !

So it is my responsibility and obligation to direct myself into this yes, flower/plant, and to remove by doing that working on spotting the more concentrated and lively inferior, troll points. They will still appear and are with me for some time, but I can work with it and delete it with self forgiveness as I go.


So the troll and Cerberus beast of schizophrenia, design placed on me before I was born (I have all detail to this if you want to listen and learn – contact me) – it is there to remind  me that this world still needs to be adjusted and forgiven. There is lots of work to be done.  Focus in psychiatry must be on the whole body, not lost in signals in brain !





A soundcloud track by me on self forgiveness and schizophrenia:


For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof





Day 13 – schizophrenia and dopamine (dope of mine)

schizophrenia and dopamine (dope of mine)




I am not a doctor or a scientist, just figuring out myself while walking my desteniiprocess

I do take my anti psychotic medication, in dialogue with my doctor, to balance my level of dopamine



collage by me


so… from knowing that schizophrenia is to have: two or three personalities acting out / fighting /having a war  in the mind/head at once. there is then at least two personalities/polarities, in my mind at once. that marks the direction for the rest of the body who have to adapt to this.

dopamine  is like it sounds :  dope of mine. the body have lots of ways to produce its on dope/calming.

and dopamine is one of these drugs that the body produces.


(realize that schizophrenia is something one is born with, and though you might trigger it/wake it up with weed or cocaine(…) it will have to be there from before, from the creation of self, one does not develop schizophrenia by self)


with schizophrenia, the way I experience it, having forgiven/deleted  my personalities, energies and programming)  is that simply from the blueprint of my schizophrenia, there is created dopamine, in my brain, simply from thinking of my schizophrenia – blueprint/recipe, from there my dopamine is created from the experience of seeing the two personalities present/here at once.


there is from this present of seeing two or more personalities in my mind or just thinking of it create dopamine in my head. this is from the presence of the very positive polarities of my personalities. the brain senses the presence of these polarities and goes at producing dopamine. with me it happens almost simply from imagining or thinking about a collection of two personalities, and looking into my schizophrenia. and then dopamine is created. this I find can or could easily be manipulated out of my choice or doing/experimenting  the more I see and realize about my schizophrenia and life.




now this dopamine, (this dope or mine), is not a joke. it can carry me quite far away. I can become more eager, enthusiastic, explicit, creative, spontaneous, and more “crazy” than the “normal”  person, that has just one personality and then, that level of dopamine.  so it would be more reasonable for me to dress naked and  run in the streets; because I would think/imagine  that is the “right” thing to do, at the moment.


when my level of dopamine gets so high (!)  my acting out can become, within mind and acting  (within /without) quite out of balance and no longer safe. it is like a obsession or gradually/balancing possessed state of being and then, what is common is that I start to think lots about myself and end up going into a depression and thinking “I am just one more freaks” and sort of “resign” (perhaps with alcohol or substance) and to “mould away” in the more extreme cultures that society offers since that is where my mind/programming would naturally take me.


so… dope of mine is a chemical that I see and live with from carrying schizophrenia. two personalities/polarities at once.  I am born schizophrenic, and I have my energy “highs” simply from “looking” at  my schizophrenia – blueprint. my recipe of mental illness. fascinating huh ?!



here i talk on this subject :


enjoy the day….