Day 10 – The Schizophrenic Child

The schizophrenic child

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me as a young boy

 

I was born schizophrenic. I’ve studied my way to realize this. If that means I fall under the autism concept it does hurt me a bit, but it’s interesting though. I’ve lived with my schizophrenia for 38 years now. I know my schizophrenia like no other. I have 5 years  walking the breath taking desteni i process with the best medicine available, self forgiveness – where it is extremely interesting to see and experience the power I have ,  have to heal, with the forgiveness of myself and experience the healing happens then, when I communicate with myself in this forgiving manner.

When I went to primary school, there should go many years before anyone saw that I was schizophrenic. Not until I was 25 years was discovered in a mental hospital. Then much harm was already  done. Today I have the insight and overview of my life so that I can look back when I was a small child. I can quite clearly see what was painful and difficult for me then and what could have helped me, when I was as schizophrenic as 7,8,9, 10 … what could have assisted me then ?

One thing I am certain of, is that most concept about ordinary Norwegian schools and society have to be changed. And I mean such agreements as parents and adults have to work to survive – to earn a living. It’s a scheme/game that we can move away from inn the future. Eventually so much automation and robots with help us, so that it becomes more time for leisure and family and self. But most important we will see the reality of self that working 30/40 hours working week for a paycheck is really far from the best possibility or creation, we have as humans can do. The foundation of “money” is changing and we need a new typical system for sharing money so everyone has plenty. It is not so much to discuss. Everyone needs plenty to live a dignified life. It is the simplest math. We all need it equally.  Then we need to create a society that is so good, safe, equal and secure,  so no one needs to make themselves dependent on hash, porn, depression, alcohol, shopping, eating disorders, fighting, war, oil and so on ….

We must remember to emphasize that: we do not need more work … we need more free time and more honesty and a broader insight into ourselves. We desperately need self-awareness and understand the depth and potential of ourselves and our living. We all need that so bad. Perhaps most of all for peace and reconciliation in the whole world.

Having said so, I want to go back to my school, in the moments where I struggled and what I would have arranged my school day differently. How my school should look like …

As schizophrenic child,  at school I would like to learn all words from the beginning. Do not start to teach your child to write four pages of the letter “A”. It is sterile and unnatural. Unhealthy and poor learning.  If the child is schizophrenic or not: does not matter.  Teach the child full words from day one. That’s what I know for certain of myself and my knowledge in me, that all words are so much more valuable that “one” simple letter. Nothing wrong with letters – this is about understanding the child.

We can grow a lot with living words. I’d learned to embrace words like for example: balance, stability, security, integrity, dependable, brave, confident, honest, organized, structured, colorful, genuine, loving, intimate, cooperation, symmetric, original, purpose …. don’t you also like these words ?

If I was 8  years-old again and should get to my school today and then know which words we should work on the next day … that would be nice. A real treat. Writing words, use them in sentences and “be” the word with myself, to take on the word – to live the word.

Another issue is that I should have developed a self aid tools, like self forgiveness. To help myself out of tangles and energy, anger, frustration, fear, depression and psychology.

An 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 year old who was born or raised with schizophrenia or for example AD / HD, or with asperger’s syndrome, need proper self help – shit; today everyone does.. To master the self – when one is alone and in crisis. To handle themselves. Helping self in the world when it is full of conflict and pain. Self forgiveness needs to be a daily tool to apply. It has that capability and capacity. Self forgiveness is a genuine tool with unlimited possibilities. This tool is so great that is also why it is hard to grasp the enormous healing effect and talent of so.

I would be understood by the usage, speech and writing of self forgiveness to avoid ending up depressed and desperate, angry or anxiety, over issues and things in my world when I will be 13, 14 … and older.

These are two issues that I see as important to change the school day. Especially for those who are 7 years and schizophrenic. But the reason for all people. We all need self-awareness and be able to master ourselves. Although self forgiveness is the best medicine.

Also more creative subjects are also important such as drawing, painting, dance, and theater.

 

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Mathematics is also important, but in a slightly different way than what is specific cases today. We must un-learn the old. A child knows there is war in this world today: 2016. That which we have seen and experienced in newspapers and on television and on the outside must be discussed. We must be able to understand the mind of self much more, and teach us a deeper respect outside of the mind, and cultivate that which is creative and based on life enjoyment.

When I was taught mathematics at school we had nice pictures of apples and oranges in our text books, and we learned how to add and subtract, and basically share from natures law. From the text book. It was simple and sensible set up and displayed in a kind way how the math functions. When I looked at the world outside school book, when I noticed at, (like 7 or 8 years old) that monetary world and banking and finance was not as simple or sensible as one would think based on the math books. Finances was working on a level of self corruption, against nature. Math books did not tell the truth. The mirror is not reality. Math books were kind and simple. World out there with the bank and the money was difficult, painful, corrupt and its foundation was wrong of nature. The outside world was not equal to the inside. Banking and finance world was/is based on a gigantic fraud,  I was to learn: long after giving up school.

My school and homework time was particularly hard and filled with snot and tears, precisely because the monetary reality (mathematics) in the world and from banks, was not like the one I was taught at school. It did not comply. At school there was a kind and simple reality. Things were calm and balanced in schoolbooks. In reality it was corruption, war, fraud, disorder and speculation that controlled the money game. Math books did not tell the truth. Ergo math books told lies. This is an issue that I see clearly in from my school time exactly this point of not telling the truth, or reality. What was the result of the math I learned in our textbooks was that ego grew. Self-interest blissfully  and cold hearted taught to children, cultivated so that ego and greed was  quietly growing in every classroom. As it is today with more and more corruption, most of all self -corruption. So my school time as a young children was a hell, because our school books told no hint of truth. So my life was going to be difficult. I blame no one. There’s no point in hanging out people, people were programmed to teach and learn from one’s, as they did. Note that I use the word programmed.

 

Basically the math did not comply what so ever. It was like to puzzle two different puzzles at once, where the teacher would tell me to puzzle them to one. The game or capitalism (whatever word) did not add up to the nice and comfortable school equations. Not by the longest shot.
And it made my life hell. Finances was to me  a game of lies, gambling, corruption, war and suffering, pain and torture. While the “game” from the math books at school was a fairy tale, all nice and comfortable, but totally no equal to “reality”.  And it still is not.
The fact that I could tell very, very early the detailed difference of the two puzzles of capitalism and math, was sort of a strength within  it all and I used this awareness to hacked into myself, and understood later after growing up, and forgiving these memories within,  that despite all the tears and pain, I really like math.

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Subjects like astronomy, planets, the universe and life existence theories, dimensions, to debunk the spiritual, make it practical and functional, we need this to reeducate. Today we have all the answers, how we got here, it is all out there in a great puzzle, this is also a subject where there is divided opinions about. If we have a creator or whether we have evolved. I know and have found my truth. That we have both creators and evolution. Both goes with. We have to look behind the curtain and open the doors for topics such as reincarnation, and existential questions in a new way. New topics and teaching can emerge.

We can’t create a better tomorrow by keeping the same mindset as before.

We must look beyond the box and learn to respect life, genuinely.

We should have a deeper understanding of what there in practice means having thoughts and sounds / voices in the head. This is after all what has brought us here. Certainly there are many who calls for “God” or authority, or the spiritual.  Like we do not know the history or the idea or existence of here? The origin of the thought…

In short, we need depth insight, we need self-help tools and new ways to “think” on. We need fresh new words every day to constantly learn something. We need to unlearn what was painful and emotional and embrace ourselves.

My subjects, on a schedule could look like this:

– Morning Meditation – breathing exercises – light / sound therapy

– We live word, a new word every day as well as some more solid word.

– We look at self help and self-forgiveness as tools

– We are playing with numbers, math, organization and structure.

– Dance and Theatre

– Drawing and color theory

– Carpentry and woodworks

 

(example)

Out of the blue : such a schedule is what would be best for me. Infinitely better than what I did 30 years ago. Such a schedule is also possible to create, if we are all in order to create peace within ourselves. If we genuinely work for what is best for all – not the ego…

We all know that today we need renewal. But yet most of us fail to see is that it is ourselves in our own minds that need renovation. We have to change ourselves – then comes the rest by itself. We need peace and self-help tools. Essential for peace is self forgiveness. For everyone to be able to respect its neighbor –  it begins with the self.

Are you with ?

http://desteni.org/

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